Breastfeed in public while preserving your modesty

Children, as adults, need boundaries. It is a fallacy to think that we can raise our children as our peers. They don't know what is good for them and they don't have their own ability to self-regulate, exercise wisdom, care for themselves, or protect themselves. They are vulnerable and depend on us to help them with boundaries.

I heard of a psychologist once who passed by a schoolyard, full of children playing. They were all over the yard. They were playing ball and bumping up against the fence. They were doing cartwheels throughout the area. They ran, chased, played, and took over the entire playground and grassy area. They were safe and comfortable in their surroundings.

The psychologist was distressed. If the children were playing up against the fence and taking up the entire play yard, then they needed more space, he theorized. They could take up that space and more. The fence was keeping them from fully enjoying themselves. He suggested this problem to the school authorities and requested the fence be taken down to see if the children had more space available to them, and if they would use it. The school obliged and the fence was removed.

The next day, the psychologist drove past the schoolyard again. He was alarmed at what he saw. The children were playing in the yard again, but instead of being spread around to the edges of the grass, they were huddled together in the center. Without the safety and security of the fence, they did not know their boundaries. They felt unsafe, unsure, and insecure. When the fence was returned, the children played again as they did once more.

Most people are a bit reluctant to hang out on balconies. It is a small bit of concrete, suspended in mid-air and attached only on one side to a building. Some avoid them altogether. Others only go out and peek over. Some others, like myself, don't mind so much. I like to go out on a balcony and grab the railing. I even test it by leaning over and looking as far down as I can. Sometimes I go so far, I can see the balcony or the patio underneath my foundation. Fun.

But you would never, ever catch me on a balcony near the edge without that railing! No way! In fact, I might not even go out the door and touch my tippy toes to the edge by the door! I relish in the boundary set at the edge by the railing.

Children need to have clear boundaries. They, like adults, need to know what the rules are, where they can go, what they can do, etc. Without these boundaries, they will take no chances. They cannot experiment with the general rules they know. They cannot make any decisions on their own.

If you raise your child with no rules, no discipline, and no restrictions, you are creating a child who will not know any restraint. They will either become a spoiled brat, thinking they are the center of attention, or they will become scared tyrants, rebellious and uncaring. Please do yourself, your child, and society a favor and exercise the wisdom of discipline and boundary setting. I promise, your child will know more freedom with boundaries than without.

Phoebe