Breastfeed in public while preserving your modesty

Babies are a lot of fun. There is a great deal of development taking place and they do not know boundaries on what is OK to touch and what isn't. How do they learn?"Discipline" means, "to teach". It is the same root word that is used in "disciple", which is one who learns or follows. Discipline begins on the day your child is born. Dr. James Dobson, a renown parental adviser, says that if you start discipline on the child's second day of life, you've started one day too late.

Do not think of discipline in the negative way we have been conditioned to. Discipline is not the same as "punishment". Discipline is a teaching process, not a painful punishment. There should be a positive consequence of discipline: primarily that the disciple (or child) has learned in order to exercise or change behavior in a positive way. When you "discipline" your child, you are merely teaching your young one. So, how do you discipline an infant?

Of course, the first three to six months, your infant will not be in a position where corrective measures need to be taken to change behavior. During this critical time, you will read to your child. You will talk to him or her about your beliefs, your morals, your personal convictions. You will do this through stories or just in the course of babbling to your baby. I often would recite what I planned to be doing in the next couple of hours...that I will go to the grocery store, then what I would buy, then "mommy needs to go to the post office", then "oh, looks like someone needs a diaper change!", etc. Your baby will not understand much of what you are saying, but hearing the words and sounds over and over again will cause her to begin to understand the simple commands you will use in later months and years. Your baby will also learn to distinguish a fun and casual tone denoting satisfaction with the child from a stern and disappointed tone denoting the desire on the parent for the child to pay close attention to learning. The infant will also understand the different tones you use to talk with other members of the family, and the emotional circumstances surrounding the conversation. Your baby will interact with you through language of her own, but also in non-verbal ways, such as smiling, looking at you or away, moving limbs, etc. You will interact with your baby in similar ways. During this time there will be no opportunity for a corrective discipline.

Never, ever spank a baby! Their little brains and personalities are not mature enough to intentionally do something wrong. Therefore, a punishment that is meant to change behavior is ineffective and will only cause harm and fear in your child. Your baby is not capable of learning to change behavior on a conscious level and is unable to knowingly break a rule.

When your baby is older and more active, you will have some trouble with him wiggling about on the changing table and getting his hands in the way of wipes, rash ointment, and private parts. Many parents wish to slap a baby's hands to get the behavior to stop. This is only going to serve to confuse and frustrate your curious and active baby. Use toys, mobiles, and gentle language to distract your baby from where he wishes to touch. Have someone help you hold him still if necessary. But don't spank him!

When your baby is crawling and beginning to walk, there will also be plenty of opportunity to discipline, or "teach" your baby. Once again, she is not able to distinguish right from wrong; OK behavior from the "no" zone. The best method of teaching these things is to gently say, "no" and redirect your baby in another direction. It is, once again, ineffective and inadvisable to spank your baby for insisting upon a desired course of action. My oldest daughter was very difficult to redirect. She would get her mind set on going toward something and she could not be convinced otherwise. It was frustrating to me because it seemed she was bent on purposely disobeying me, but she was exploring and learning and did not have the mental faculties to exercise self discipline or change her behavior from my imposed punishments. There are tools to help you with helping the strong willed children remain safe when your redirection is not effective. The regular use of personal play time in a play pen or a gated child-safe room is a highly recommended practice and I find it to be quite useful in helping children, even infants, begin to mature in the area of self-control.

There is no need nor excuse to spank a baby under twelve months of age. Until he can fully understand what you want and how to behave in a way that is pleasing, he is fully incapable of disobeying and earning punishment. You will "teach" (or "discipline) your baby from the day she is born, but punishment in the areas of spanking, corrective time out, and loss of privileges or toys should not be administered until after her first birthday when she is maturing enough to intentionally misbehave.

I see parents paddle their infants a lot and I feel bad for the babies, as they get frustrated and are clueless as to why they are being smacked. Don't frustrate your babies this way. Use your words and other non-verbal communication, and the tools for teaching to help you shape your baby for the months and years ahead. Understand where your baby is coming from. He is learning a lot, on a daily basis, and his development is lightning fast. But social issues are a higher mental function and disobedience is part of that development. Stimulate your babies in a way that is healthy for them and do not punish them for doing what they ought to be doing: learning, exploring, experimenting, and growing.

Happy breastfeeding!
Phoebe